Are you ready for some FoooootBALLLLLL???? In my case, that’s like asking Socrates if he’s ready for his hemlock.
Football is a violent and dismal affair, conducted by psychopaths and circus behemoths, sometimes in the same body. And, on top of that, excruciatingly boring.
How did football achieve such a hold on our imagination? Do we identify with the players, most of whom are the size of livestock and sometimes of Thanksgiving Day floats? Do we envy them their murderous assaults on one another? Do we marvel at the intricate strategy, which mainly consists of the terrified quarterback handing the ball off or throwing it as quickly as he can, before he gets mugged?
I say it has to do with our ever-shrinking attention spans. Football, with its repetitive pattern of seven seconds of activity, followed by a minute or so of consultation (the huddle), during which a steroid-addled crew of analysts tell us what we’ve just seen and what we’re about to see, is the ideal pastime for our Republic of ADD. It is our most cherished diversion--or religion, in many cases.
Happy viewing, football worshippers, on this your holy day!
No comments:
Post a Comment